101/102 Mother and Child Reunion
We open with… trolls? I didn’t think they could talk? Oh, wait; it’s just pre-pubescent Cassie Steele and Miriam McDonald. Ah, the fug-before-beauty. Emma pleads for Manny to read a romantic email to her, and it is just wrong of me to be getting tiny lesbotic feelings from them, right? Anyway, Manny blahblahs about a wilderness reserve, and then Emma begins moaning at the words “Love you.” Honey, they never mean it. She shows Manny a couple of pictures that Jordan has sent her, then tells her not to manhandle a magazine with Caitlin Ryan on it. We flash down to a nice old picture of spiky Spike, and then camera pans up to a not-so-spiky Spike, who can give me lesbotic feelings anytime she likes. She complains about Emma’s dirty room, and falls for her silly little white lie. They look at the horrible horrible 80’s fashion, and then Emma compulsively checks her email. As she’s leaving, she gets a new message, but not-so-spiky Spike calls for her to leave NOW.
Credits. Jakalope can make it through.
Tiny JT helps Emma and Manny unload boxes. His Tiny JT muscles can barely handle it while Emma and Manny can carry, walk, and gossip about inappropriate Internet relationships. Tiny JT faceplants, breaking a box. Emma declares, “People in the 80’s were weird!” as she looks through pictures that were in the now-broken box.
Still tiny Joey is attempting to sell no-longer-blind Lucy a Beetle. I’m all for this idea, because it is less twisted metal to clean off a street when her eyesight goes. Mini-Manny comes out, and is used for exposition that Joey is a) not coming to the reunion; b) a widower; c) awkward, although that one is not new.
The trolls continue to lug boxes through the halls of Degrassi, and run into Snake, who is looking very European in all black. He then pulls a teacher by telling them not to run, then makes me fall in love with “Keep running, don’t listen to me.” Hee. The rugrats keep running through the halls, finding a Media Immersion lab with brand-spanking new computers, complete with wrinkly plastic denoting the “newness.” Radditch blahblahs at a man and his troll, whom apparently tiny JT knows. They dork out with a camp handshake, and Toby ditches his dad for the rugrats. Emma concocts a Plan, which involves the boys staying outside of the
Snake looks at old pictures with a smile. If I was him, I would be horrified at the hemlength of my shorts, but nonetheless, smiles. Caitlin is in the back of a limo, convincing her boyfriend/lover/agent to attend the reunion with her, and seriously, you would not have to ask me more than once. She has a big sparkly ring on her finger as she closes her cell phone, and a big fat hoochie shirt on as she gets out of the limo. Her and Snake meet up again, complete with hug, headband, and fedora. Lucy, Joey, and Angie arrive at DCS with the Beetle, and really WTF is Joey doing there? He didn’t graduate with them! Why the frick would he even be on the reunion list? Anyhoodle, we get an anvilicious look of Doom-Mixed-With-Desire between Ms. Ryan and Mr. Jeremiah before cutting back to the rugratettes. Emma’s Underaged Affection has sent her a new email. “Dear Kidlet, will be in town. Wanna meet irl 2morro? Msg me bck plz!!!!111!”
The adults do the awkward catching up thing, while mini-Manny looks cute. Caitlin pressures Joey into attending the reunion with her and her film producer sex kitten, and really! HE. DID. NOT. GRADUATE. TEN. YEARS. AGO. Shut up, Caitlin. And more cute mini-Manny.
Emma and Manny attempt to make themselves throw up as they swing in circles on a tire and talk about meeting Jordan. Toby attempts to make friends by butting into their conversation, and JT makes a funneh but is put down easily by Emma. Toby attempts to make sense, but Emma is content in her crazy. Squirt gun fight ensues.
Caitlin and Spike look at the reunion site in Emma’s room. Spike, do we need to have a talk about parenting skills? I have the barren womb of someone who despises children, but I still know you do not put the only computer in the house in the 11 year old’s room. That’s just inviting the cyber pedophiles in. Caitlin blahblahs about how her uber-relationship isn’t actually all that uber, before Emma comes in and first bitches out her mother and then dorks out on Caitlin. Seriously, if Caitlin and Spike are supposed to be like OMGBFF’s, wouldn’t Emma remember meeting her? Or have met her again since DHS ended? ARGH THE CONTINUITY HURTS ME. And so does Caitlin’s shirt.
Emma pretends she’s mature and smart, and Manny shoots it down and acts concerned. One more person tries to tell Emma that maybe she shouldn’t meet up with the 16 year old, but she refuses to listen. I’m thinking this may become a theme in the series? Just a theory, of course.
Emma gets woken up by the drunken adults singing Zits songs, which were horrible enough back in the 80’s. Not-so-spiky Spike apologizes, then goes to mix up the bubbly. And really, what type of single parent KEEPS champagne around? Isn’t it much more of a special situation type wine? Emma asks Caitlin for relationship advice, and fudges the details. And Spike is short. Spike presses Caitlin for details of the Talk before the women bond over dating.
Emma goes upstairs and commits to meeting with Jordan based on Caitlin’s “go for it” advice. In the morning, she pushes her mom out of the house so she can go on her underaged booty call, claiming she is going to eat popcorn with real butter with Manny. Please. If the girl ate real butter, she might have some secondary sex characteristics growing. Emma, you should never lie to your mom about your food habits. It can come back to bite you in the ass 4 seasons later.
Snake welcomes Caitlin and her asshole to the reunion, and is he the Official Reunion Bitch, or what? Caitlin’s asshole doesn’t wanna play with the other kids, surprise, surprise, and goes to buy drinks while Caitlin takes her tour. Terri blahblahs about the MI program and provides a chance for Caitlin and Joey to give each other the Doomed Desire look some more.
Emma also lies to Manny on the redonkulously oversized cordless phones, saying she decided not to meet up with Jordan. Manny invites herself over, while Emma makes lame excuses of studying a wildlife program and plays with her mom’s makeup.
Joey and Caitlin attempt to have a de-awkward-fying talk, but it’s ruined by the arrival of Allison who blabbers on and on never once realizing she’s ruining a moment. She flirts with Joey and invites him to have a drink, then drags him off like a she-Sasquatch to her lair.
Emma takes a cab to the hotel, and actually looks fairly human like. She calls Jordan on the phone and leaves him a message telling him she’s waiting in the lobby. Cut to Manny and the rugrats, and she is worried because Emma is neither at home or answering her cell. Busted! Manny has figured her out. Toby begins to tell Internet-psycho horror stories, and really, Toby? Not the best way to introduce yourself to your new friends. They begin to plot a way to find tiny little Emma in the big city of T.O., and Toby reveals his hidden haxx0r past.
Joey comes by with drinks to overhear Angela and Caitlin’s asshole talking about naw-tay deeds. Angela is trying to convince him to leave “Caity” and be a free artist, in the way of making art with her.
Emma is sitting in an armchair when some 20something walks by with a pizza. He does a double-take at her before introducing himself as Mr. Pedo, a teacher supervising Jordan’s trip. He invites her up to share in the small pizza that is barely going to feed Emma, let alone some hypothetical group of high-schoolers. Emma has never watched the Stranger Danger video, and agrees to go up with him.
Meanwhile, the Rugrat Bunch are on the computer, and Toby is trying to figure out Emma’s password. He starts with Spike’s maiden name, a dog, fish, anything, and then clicks on the password hint: “What’s mom’s favorite rock band?”. Way to go, Mr. Haxx0r boy.
Emma is impressed with the teacher’s praise of Jordan, and is thereby distracted and doesn’t see the quick glance down the hall Mr. Pedo gives, making sure no one sees a 12 year old enter his room of Debauched Delights. Mr. Pedo knocks on the connecting door in order to pretend that his story is real before bringing up the video camera lying oh-so-subtly on the bed. He passes it off as a video journal the boys are making of their trip. Mr. Pedo opens up the pizza box and digs in, continuing to blab all the secrets of Jordan and Emma’s emails. Emma begins to get the oogly-mooglies and pretends that she’s left her bag downstairs. Mr. Pedo catches her, and goes to the front door of the room, where we see that he’s locked it so securely that Emma can’t figure it out. She then ducks sideways into the bathroom, where she has her revelation that she’s been talking to a cyber predator. Dun-dun-DUH!
Radditch introduces Caitlin for a shaky voiced speech in which her asshole is an asshole and Joey outs him as an ass. Caitlin sees the boys are being asses to each other, and tries to wind up her speech classily. Unfortunately, her attempt is ruined by her ass punching out Joey. Joey grabs the ass’s cell phone and uses it as bait to get the ass to confess to Caitlin. Angela is a bitch some more, and way to ruin the reunion, y’all.
The Real Jordan continues to groom Emma, and Emma is having none of it now that she’s figured out the real age gap between them. He suggests that he’ll go down to the lobby so that Emma can let herself out of the bathroom, and completely fakes leaving. I mean, I’m guessing, but really.
Joey tries to comfort Caitlin, but Caitlin just brings up old, painful history. She tries to clean up Joey’s face while she crazies that she can’t commit and blah blah blah. The-N blurs out some safe sex posters, while Caitlin and Joey dance around the fact that they are each other’s respective Ones. Joey talks about the wifey without crying and they laugh and look at each other.
The Rugrats finally crack Emma’s password, and start the snoop while Emma actually opens the door. This looks like a pretty nice hotel, why isn’t there a phone in the bathroom? Emma steps out of the bathroom, and opens the main door, only to have Jordan shut it from behind her and threaten her to keep her big troll mouth closed. Toby figures out how Jordan is so in sync with Emma, and they find the hotel and room number. Spindly legs run to DCS and the rugrats fetch Spike, who is dancing the dance of insane height difference with Snake. They tattle on her, and Spike and Snake go on the rescue effort, complete with frantic police phone calls and running down halls. They begin banging on the door, and Emma cries out to them before Jordan covers her mouth. Emma springs off of the bed, which was so nicely framed in Jordan’s camera for maximum rape-pr0n possibilities and runs to the door and is actually able to open the door. She dashes into the hall and flinches from her mother’s touch, which obviously upsets Spike. Jordan comes to the door and tries to explain away, but Snake grabs him and throws him against the wall, earning him a spot on my crush list. The police arrive, and commercial breaks occur.
We return to a detective removing the computer from Emma’s room, and telling Spike they won’t get it back until after the trial. Apparently Mr. Pedo is a repeat offender, and will be going to jail for quite sometime. Mr. Detective says what I said some 2000 words ago – don’t allow the computer to be in the 12 year old’s room. You’re just asking for trouble, Spike!
Spike goes upstairs to discipline Emma and Emma just bitches back at her. I suppose this is the first big mother-daughter blow up. Suprisingly, they make it through with very little bloodshed, and few tears shed from me. Shut up.